The new politics? More like Brokeback Mountain/May 14th 2010.

Richie - Squeezing in to a floral dress, wig and fishnets I assumed my secret Tory persona and met up with my Turnip chums in an 80s theme bar to discuss the UK's new coagulation of the unelected. "Cam's onto a winner. If it goes belly up he can blame the Reds and the sandal-wearers!" said Tarquin a merchant winker with an unhealthy interest in my falsies. "VAT rising, NI rising, CGT rising, SamCam rising - things are going swimingly!" squarked Rupert, a "company director", as he popped another bottle of Krug. "And with the cut in inheritance tax I'll finally be able to nab the stately home!" squealed Lady Mimsy, louche and pale as white powder. A hush descended and Henrietta took Mimsy's hand. "I'm afraid Cam's dropped that idea as a concession to the tofu-munching lefties" she whispered "But cheer up Mims - as soon as Squire Lardy Cake Pickles hikes council tax for the oiks by 30 per cent next year I'm sure Cam'll re-introduce it pronto! Ra! Ra! Ra!" Mad in ShamCam's UK innit!