Olympic Gold - Win one, Get one free.../August 21st 2012.

Richie - How good it is to see you back to normal after last week's disaster about Assange! You certainly did get into a tangle on that one, eh Rich ? I said to Mrs Bob: "I hope Lord Littlewon treats us to one of his regular 6th form hissy fits about wheelie bins or Baby Eater Bob Crow instead of trying to master complex intellectual conundrums such as the nature of free speech!" We regulars also discussed, at great length in the snug, which Olympians should be honoured by Her Madge. Top Olympic totty Jess Ennis is a cert, as is Lord Wiggins for his contribution to aesthetically hand-crafted sideburns alone. But the biggest gong should go to Mohammad Farah, our greatest living Englishman! Surely Mo will have a special title created - Extraordinary Muslim Hero of Great Britain and the Commonwealth would suffice! And what a fine multicultural example to our kids Mo will be, draped in ermine and gold atop the Team GB bus singing Allah's praises, the whole country united in its respect and goodwill....Richie ? Richie ? You there Rich ?

I've heard of a Mexican standoff,but.../August 17th 2012.

Richie - Old Wob and several other members of the Cum-to-Piddle Liberation Front have hot-footed it down to Knightsbridge to defend the human rights of Saint Julius of Assange. This brave man is not a computer hacker, Richie, as you and your Rightist chums like to label him, but a publisher who has exposed conspiracy and lies at the heart of governments around the world. Needless to say, exposing the truth is usually the job of news journos but many news jounos got into bed with the media moguls years ago and are only fit to write about buxom babes and toe the mogul line. How strange that you defend the rights of Gary McKinnon but can't wait to have Assange herded off to the nearest show trial! Anyone would think that it's because Assange's political views don't chime with your own. And since when has nacissism been a crime ? If it was then the courts would be packed with troughing journos and politicos! Pray for St Julius of Assange I say!

Here comes Jay-Tee and Ashley Cole, Aaaaarrrrghhhhh!/August 14th 2012.

Richie - Old Wob and Mrs Bob No 3 have been parked in front of the telly these past 2 weeks cheering on multi-effnik Team GB, our Olympic scepticism banished after Lord Danny Boyle's inspired Marxist opening ceremony! Indeed, the Olympics have turned out to be a major poke in the eye for the UK's Right Wing Windbags! Who would have thought that the most lauded man in Britain would be a Somali-born Muslim named Mohammad ? Or that the private sector would prove itself to be the troughing, inefficient waste of space we all knew it was ? Or that the stars of the closing ceremony would be a procession of gay and bisexual singers and a reformed druggie singing I Am The Walrus ? The London games have been a triumph of multiculturalism and international harmony I say! Rather than an advert for Rightist dog eat dog competitiveness they were a vindication of equality and humility and the IOC mantra that it's the taking part that counts! Now, let's build on the success of multi-effnik Team GB, get rid of the unelected Tory-led Coagulation and bring some real pride back to our great nation I say! (Hic!)

Does everyone in Englandland go to school at Eton?/August 10th 2012.

Richie - One of Cameron's loopy "Happiness" Officers recently called on Castle Roberts as part of our hapless PM's attempt to try and gauge the mood of the nation. "Are you happy, Mr Roberts ?" asked a wet-behind-the-ears kid with a clipboard named Rupert, straight out of Oxford and ready to be parachuted into a safe Tory seat. Well, like any red-blooded Brit I slammed the door in his acne-riddled face. But he wouldn't take the hint and kept his finger on the doorbell until we relented. "Am I correct in thinking you're not happy  because you're a pinko Marxist Pol-Pottist Lefty, Mr Roberts ?"  By now, Rich, steam was pouring out of my nostrils and my face had turned the colour of beetroot. "I'm not happy because this useless unelected Coagulation govt is wasting hard-earned taxpayers cash on stupid surveys instead of investing in our stagnant economy" I ranted. Rupert then suggested I try and cheer myself up by reading some top-notch Right-Wing satire. "Have you tried Dickie Littlejohn's column ?" he asked by which time I was on my way to my shotgun cabinet and Rupert was fleeing down the driveway pronto!

Let's go for gold...not the shopping with violence we saw a year ago/August 7th 2012.

Richie - How right you are to blame the Pol Pottist Guardian and the Marxist-Feminist BBC for last year's riots! Why, everyone knows that Gardener's Question Time is nothing more than a viper's nest of Communist thinking and that the Guardian's vile expose of our upstanding bankers and journalists is a sinister Left Wing plot to undermine all that is great about this country! How dare those rioting feral yooves whinge and moan about being sent down for 10 years for pinching designer socks and branded water when our heroic bankers are working round the clock trying to rectify Labour's despicable attempt to fix the Libor rate and bring down the capitalist edifice that has served mankind so well. Those poor bankers who have inadvertantly misplaced trillions of squid have probably dropped it behind their Gucci sofas and yet the Lefties are demanding these innocents are banged up for 6 months - it's an outrage I say! And don't get me started about the Olympics, Rich. The DM was right to classify all those Team GB athletes with strange surnames as "Plastic Brits"! And that Trotskyite Danny Boyle, how dare he spend taxpayer's money on levitating industrial chimney stacks when our poor journos are being hounded by Maoist Leftie lawyers...(Note from Mrs Bob: "Wob given wong medicine in chemist and he not fanny today")

It's the closing ceremony and here comes Team GBH!/August 3rd 2012.

Richie - I was snoozing in my comfy chair when my dear Thai wife, Mrs Bob No 3, gave a high pitched squeal and woke me from my slumbers. "Wob! Wob! Lord Wichie become fanny Marxist!" she shouted and waved today's copy of the DM in my face. "Weed it, Wob - weed it qwickwee! It so so fanny!" Well, Rich, I read your pseudo-Marxist-Closing Ceremony skit, sighing and stifling the occasional yawn as I did so, then folded up the DM and handed it back to Mrs Bob. "Lord Richie hasn't become a Marxist" I said. "Bwitain's bestest columnist is merely indulging in his usual anti-Labour, anti-Trades Unionist, anti-working class satirical nonsense because he and his acolytes are so upset at Danny Boyle's brilliant Left-Wing Opening Ceremony." Mrs Bob looked crestfallen. "You mean Lord Wichie, he still miserwable Right Wing windbag like usual ?" I nodded my head and confirmed that it was so. And with that Mrs Bob went forlornly into the kitchen to rustle up a water bug and silkworm pupae mid-morning snack! Sad I say!