A journalist jailed for exposing tax cheats - don't kid yourself it couldn't happen here/October 30th 2012.

Richie - Phone tapping, harassment, bribery, hiding in bushes, treachery, stalking, lies, an incipid culture of dumbing down...but enough about journalists Rich! Today Old Wob wants to bring good news about Iaiain Dunkin Donut's welfare reforms! It so happened that Belinda Slouch, a single mother of 7 whose offspring have an inglorious history of terrorising the local neighbourhood, was hauled before the local welfare Czars and told to get a job pronto. Having never worked Belinda was found a job (using vast amounts of govt subsidy) in a DIY store, even though the owner wasn't in need of more staff but needless to say the pound signs were sparkling and he took her on board. Well, what a disaster! Ms Slouch lasted barely three days. Guzzling Carlsberg extra by the can she gave freebies to all her mates, threatened irate customers with a chain saw and, when she was reprimanded by the owner, nutted the old geezer so hard he spent a week in hospital! Another triumph for our Tory-led Coagulation of the gormless I say! (Hic!)

Yes, the BBC has some serious questions to answer, but who gave Savile the key to care homes and hospitals?/October 26th 2012.

Richie - It is with great pleasure that I can announce you have been chosen to receive a special lifetime award in recognition of your services over many years to Investigative Right-wing windbaggism! Yes Lord Wichie, the regulars in our local snug have decided that it's about time you were honoured for your many years as Britain's undisputed Bestest Columnist and a social commentator of the highest order. The judging panel, headed by octogenarian farmer and spoon-player Arthur Groat, paid particular tribute to your courage in exposing sexual deviancy among a small number of the nation's wheelie-bins. These vile, debauched bins you discovered lurking in the nation's gardens and on patios ready to pounce on naive and impressionable yoof. A major scandal was averted thanks to your sterling in-depth journalism, Rich. Because of you our boys and girls can now sleep soundly in their beds! The trophy, a mounted bin, is behind the bar awaiting collection. Well done sir I say! (Hic!)

Don't be such a W4lly Mr Speaker!/October 23rd 2012.

Richie - Sunday morning Old Wob donned his silver mankini and took part in the Birmingham half marathon, raising money for charities hit by the savage Nasty Party cuts. But sad to say things didn't exactly go to plan. As I got to the first bend opposite Islamic Relief I went down like a sack of spuds with chest pains. Well, our heroic ambulance service was soon on the scene but came to a sudden halt with a puncture. Because of Shameron's NHS cuts the AA recovery hadn't been renewed! But no matter, the paramedics rolled the Roberts corsage onto a stretcher and carried me towards the QE2 hospital. Unfortunately these hard working public sector workers ran out of puff but lo and behold the pains subsided and I made a miraculous recovery! I jumped off the stretcher, saw that I was only 100 metres from the finish line and sprinted home to raptuous applause in a record time for a 56 year old, raising thousands for those being neglected by the vile Tory-led Coagulation! Mad I say! (Hic!)

Freeze! Or the guide dog gets it/October 19th 2012.

Richie - Would you Adam n Eve it! Unemployment down AGAIN in the middle of a recession! Well, Old Wob and the other regulars in the village snug have been busy all week trying to work out this particular conundrum! "Perhaps Iain Dunkin Donut is a genius" said Arthur Groat, octogenarian spoon-player of these parts, as he supped his half a mild. "Maybe Labour has got it all wrong" said local burlesque queen Marcia Braithwaite, her heaving chest casting a shadow over her ploughman's lunch. "The harsh Tory medicine must be working" said Dr Singh as he cleared an area near the bar and unravelled his prayer mat. Then bingo - it clicked! "Perhaps the Nasty party is forcing people into part time, non-pensionable non-jobs and subsidising the private sector with billions of pounds of taxpayers money!" I said. Well, Rich, we all breathed a sigh of relief and moved on to more difficult puzzles, namely the Tories' omnishambles regarding energy bills! Mad in Sham Cam n Cleggy's bwoken Bwitain innit! (Hic!)

Careful with those arrows – you’ll have somebody's eye out!/October 16th 2012.

Richie - Old Wob was up with the lark this morning wearing his best mankini and putting in a few last minute circuits of the duck pond before Sunday's Birmingham half marathon. Never one to shirk a challenge I've put myself forward to raise much needed funds for local charities who are suffering after cuts instigated by our vile unelected Coagulation of the gormless government. Needless to say, Old Wob hasn't done much exercise since primary school when I used to chase Marcia Braithwaite round the canteen but you'll be pleased to know that I've been putting in the hard work every day for a whole week so I'm confident of running this popular race in double-quick time. Only thing, Rich, is that I get the occasional problem with chafing around the tender areas. Local farmer Arthur Groat gave me some of his home-made ointment in the snug and I must say it was surprisingly soothing until I discovered the main ingredient was pig dung! That'll keep Mo Farah and the elite runners in their place when I break from the front, eh Rich ? (Hic!)

Jimmy Savile ? It's time they called in the New Tricks squad/October 12th 2012.

Richie - There was an unseemly incident in the village snug last night. A couple of middle aged loudmouths stood at the bar making derogatory comments about immigrants, the poor, the disabled - you know the kind, Rich - when the talk veered off towards the latest accusations against the infamous Savile. Well, these two monsters from the 70s decided it would be fun to make light of this serious news story by acting out a rather obnoxious skit based around the classic and much-loved telly comedy "On the Buses". Taking on the characters of Blakey, Reg and the others they made light of these young girls' trauma in the most offhand and vile way. "I bet she enjoyed taking a ride on the Number 69!" "They were all slappers in those days!" "Jim fixed it for her, hur, hur hur!" Well, Rich, as you can imagine there was uproar among the locals and the two were dragged outside and thrown in the village duck pond! Then we told 'em to sling their hooks and not show their faces again! Some people, eh Rich ? (Hic!)

Foreign criminals can sleep easily in soft-touch Britain/October 9th 2012.

Richie - Old Wob donned a wig, heels and one of Mrs Bob's floral dresses and joined a mini bus filled with local Toffs bound for the Nasty Party conference in Birmingham. Well the champers was flowing and all were in good humour as we sang Nasty Party classics such as "We Hate the Poor", "Strip Workers of all their Rights" and "All Lefties are Gay!" After arriving at our hotel Lady Mimsy Tonkington-Nutter invited a few Tory bigwigs to her suite for drinks. Well, Rich, when I let slip I was a wealthy widow looking to make a large donation the top brass were sniffing round me like flies! I was offered all kinds of incentives, including the chance of being made a Baroness, a tempting offer that would turn any girl's head! Eventually the chat turned to a Tory 2nd term and plans to privatise the NHS, the Beeb, and put non-taxpayers in the workhouse. But I scarpered pronto when a high ranking party member demonstrated Jimmy Savile's seduction technique and my falsies burst! Mad I say! (Hic!)

If Savile was alive today, he'd be a star witness at Leveson - given the full 'Sir James' treatment and allowed to trash the Press/October 5th 2012

Richie - Old Wob has been hob-nobbing it at the Labour conference with my good pal union rep Dave Salt. And what a splendid time I had Rich! Out and about at night taking in Manchester's many splendid watering holes, then back in the conference hall at 10am to catch up on much-needed shut eye! We also attended a number of fringe events where the more "outspoken" (ie. rational-thinking) Labourites let off steam. There were speakers demanding everything from the re-nationalisation of the railways to the jailing of the vile bankers who have wrecked our economy. One speaker even called for the public takeover of the Right Wing press and cited you, Rich, as a gobby rabble-rousing Thatcherite journalist of the worst kind! Well, I stood up and defended your honour sir! "Lord Richie is a national treasure" I thundered "whose tireless work investigating corruption and sexual wrong-doing among wheelie-bins is second to none! How dare you Lefties enhance his reputation by calling him a proper journalist!" That told em, eh Rich ? (Hic!)