Step away from the paddling pool... you're nicked!/May 29th 2012.

Richie - Would you Adam and Eve it! Old Wob was in the garden enjoying the weekend weather when I got into a heated debate with the moaning Tory minnies next door as I filled up the paddling pool for my precocious 11 year old grandson Bob jnr. Needless to say I thought they'd taken umbridge over my pert lime speedos but instead they berated me for wasting water during a hose pipe ban. Little did they know that I'd filled the pool with bottled Evian water but no matter, I gave the interfering busy-bodies a piece of mind. Later, when the dust had settled, Bob jnr, whose ambition is to become Labour PM, began to question the monopoly of the water companies in much the same way that you have done in today's column. Young Bob's analysis went far deeper than your lazy effort though as he blamed the vile Thatcher governments of the 80s and their policy of flogging off Britain's assets to greedy foreign types for a song. Well done Young Bob Roberts for pointing out that important fact I say!