It always ends in penalties, it always ends in tears. RICHARD LITTLEJOHN says he can take the despair. It's the hope he can't stand.../June 25th 2012.

Richie - 19.00 hours in our local: Old Wob dressed in full England kit and sporting his best Bobby Charlton comb-over walks into the snug to be greeted by a huge cheer as the packed bar waits for kick off in heady anticipation. Arthur Groat is playing "Three Lions" on the spoons, resident GP Dr Singh - much derided this past week for his £1m pension pot - is buying everyone a drink, and local burlesque queen Marcia Braithwaite, wearing skimpy Union Jack bra and bloomers, is giving us all a good-humoured peek of her ample assets! Mrs Bob No 3 has laid on a spicy Thai finger buffet and a brand new 70 inch Sony 3D laser-guided telly has been installed for the occasion. Footy's Comin' home! What can possibly go wrong ? Cut to: 22.00 hours. The red, white and blue balloons have shrivelled. Arthur is sitting alone in a corner drinking himself into a stupor. Old Wob's comb-over is limp and lifeless. Dr Singh is in tears. Marcia has been taken to A & E after fainting when Italy scored their winner. We all trudge home in the drizzling rain. A great English summer tradition is over for another 2 years!