Bulldozer ballet, a sex-mad smurf- it's Uncle Rich's Olympic jamboree/June 14th 2012.

Richie - Would you Adam & Eve it! I'd just finished my nutribran, green tea and russet breakfast concoction and settled in my comfy chair for a well deserved after-brekkie snooze when my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 hurried into the living room holding today's copy of the DM. "Lord Wichie exercise his big column on Thursday!" she said. I couldn't believe my ears! "Bwitain's Bestest Columnist writing a column on Thursday ? Don't be silly, Mrs Bob! Lord Richie writes his column on Tuesday and Friday. The other days are reserved for lessen known windbags such as Mellie, McKenzie, Heffer and Glover." But Mrs Bob wasn't having it. "Look!" she said, thrusting the newspaper under my nose. "He write fanny thing about Olympics!" Well, imagine my surprise when I saw your unmistakable prose lighting up the page like a sodden banger on Bonfire Night. "Now you must write fanny post too, else Lefty trolls world over will be sad." I considered it, Rich, I really did, but instead tugged on my recliner and fell soundly asleep.