The barmy elf 'n' safety fears which stopped disadvantaged inner city kids from paddling in the sea/June 1st 2012.

Richie - Old Wob and my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 have been busy organising the village jubilee party! And what a splendid knees up it promises to be! As well as a long table groaning beneath the weight of jubilee nosh stretching from the duck pond to the snug, we've secured a programme of entertainment representative of Bwitain's diverse heritage! Dr Singh will be performing with his bangra all-stars after which Marcia Braithwaite's burlesque belles have promised to tittilate us all with a saucy jubilee routine! Arthur groat will be performing his legendary spoon routine and Mrs Bob's troupe of Lady Boys have been flown in especially for the weekend. Even the local NF/EDL coven are doing their bit with a funny walk march and rendition of Deutchland Uber Alles! The highlight of the day will be the Jeremy Hunt Brown Nose competition in which competitors have to brown-nose a Right Wing Windbag! What a pity you can't join us Lord Richie - you'd be a dead cert to take first prize I say!