RBS: How to make a pig's ear out of a dog's breakfast/January 31st 2012.

Richie - As a much respected small businessman of these parts and head honcho of Bob Roberts Security4U I've been taking great interest in the goings on at RBS and the furore over top executive pay. Needless to say, in line with my staunch Labour principles, my company is well known for fair treatment of its workers. For example, when my supervising manager, Freddie "Ten Bellies" Wilson recently announced he was about to become a father for the ninth time at the ripe age of 58 Old Wob dug into the company coffers and shelled out for a mothercare baby pack and six cans of Boddingtons to wet the baby's head without hesitation. So, imagine my surprise when I emerged from my office yesterday to be confronted by my bolshie workforce demanding to see details of my salary, perks, bonuses and offshore accounts! "We want to know if we're all in it together, Bob" they said. Well, Richie, in the best traditions of Socialism I told em to mind their effing business and get back to work pronto else they'd all be up the road with their P45s!