Widescreen TVs, porn films, an antique fireplace.... so just how did you get away with fleecing the taxpayer, Jackboots?/January 10th 2012.

Richie - Oh woe! Woe! And thrice woe! I had to give up my organic anti-man-boob fitness and yoga class last week after collapsing in a heap and being rushed to A&E with a suspected heart murmur. Thankfully, rather like a knackered old boiler, it was more a case of severe over-heating of the Roberts corsage and, after spending a few days resting in my comfy chair, I'm now back to my tip-top self. But alas Old Wob has come to realise that he's not immortal and is on the final count-down to meet his maker. With this in mind I too volunteered at the local God-shop to help out on Sundays. After the relevant checks had been made I was put to work filling up the wine decanter and arranging the crackers. I did such a good job that the head warbler gave me a headline role in the Sunday service swinging the incense stick. Unfortunately though, as I paraded down the runway in my robes, the chalice came loose and lodged in the roof timbers causing a mass evacuation to the local snug! Mad I say!