Does everyone in Englandland go to school at Eton?/August 10th 2012.

Richie - One of Cameron's loopy "Happiness" Officers recently called on Castle Roberts as part of our hapless PM's attempt to try and gauge the mood of the nation. "Are you happy, Mr Roberts ?" asked a wet-behind-the-ears kid with a clipboard named Rupert, straight out of Oxford and ready to be parachuted into a safe Tory seat. Well, like any red-blooded Brit I slammed the door in his acne-riddled face. But he wouldn't take the hint and kept his finger on the doorbell until we relented. "Am I correct in thinking you're not happy  because you're a pinko Marxist Pol-Pottist Lefty, Mr Roberts ?"  By now, Rich, steam was pouring out of my nostrils and my face had turned the colour of beetroot. "I'm not happy because this useless unelected Coagulation govt is wasting hard-earned taxpayers cash on stupid surveys instead of investing in our stagnant economy" I ranted. Rupert then suggested I try and cheer myself up by reading some top-notch Right-Wing satire. "Have you tried Dickie Littlejohn's column ?" he asked by which time I was on my way to my shotgun cabinet and Rupert was fleeing down the driveway pronto!