Security ? Call Eddie the Eagle/July 13th 2012.

Richie - As a well respected small businessman of this parish and head honcho of Bob Roberts Security4U I naturally submitted an application to organise the security at London 2012. In a detailed pitch I offered a comprehensive package which included octogenarian Arthur Groat and his brothers checkings bags, local burlesque artiste Marcia Braithwaite patrolling the perimeter fence and my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3's troupe of Ladyboys frisking spectators as they entered the Olympic stadium. My costings were on the low side, Rich, with Arthur and Marcia happy to be paid in beer and sequin costumes respectively and the Ladyboys content to frisk inside legs for free! Of course, management costs (ie cash for Old Wob's back pocket) would have been somewhat higher at £100 million but still a quarter of the total paid to G4S. Richie, I didn't even receive so much as a reply from the troughing Tory toffs sitting on the 2012 committee. How I bet they regret not awarding Bob the conract now, eh ? (Hic!)