On your Marx, it's the People's Protest Games/April 9th 2012.

Richie - Dear old mumsy (a blue rinse Tory Little Englander of the highest order) has graced us with her presence over Easter and this morning at brekkie she commandeered my copy of the DM eager to aquaint herself with Lord Richie's esteemed column. "Haw Haw Haw" she guffawed regarding your quip about the protester who scaled the shard. "Quite right too! Would've served the silly winker right if he'd fallen orf!" There followed an even louder "Ra! Ra! Ra!" as she poured over your pronouncements regarding boat race pooper Tenton Oldfield. "Put him against a wall I say and give it with both barrels!" she railed before ordering my dear Thai wife - or "the maid" as mumsy not very affectionally calls her - to pour more tea. It was only when she started reading your piece about polar bears that she looked somewhat dejected. "Pah! Can't silly Richie check his facts ? Everybody knows that polar bears don't eat penguins. They eat squirrels and live in Siberia! Hurry up with the bally toast, ffs maid! Really, you really can't get the staff these days can you!" Mad I say!