Bikinis, beach burkas and bird flu - welcome to London 2012/April 2nd 2012.

Richie - Would you Adam and Eve it! Old Wob's been laid up with a severe dose of botulism after scoffing a lukewarm pastie last week! I was asked at the till whether I wanted to pay full VAT on the piping hot delicacy or wait until it had cooled and save a few pennies. Needless to say, in these austere times I opted for the latter and stood brushing my comb-over until the snack had fallen below ambient temperature. Little did I realise that a vicious strain of bacterium would in the meantime spread and coagulate with the end result that after two bites I was rushed to A & E at death's door! Matters were further complicated when the ambulance driver fell woozy at the wheel due to the overpowering fumes from jerrycans of fuel stored in the rear following govt pronouncements! Mrs Bob tried to visit me in hospital but couldn't afford the car park fees and I was eventually released with orders from my doc to stay indoors until the unelected Tory-led coagulation had been driven from office! Mad I say!