If you simply want to make someone's life a misery, press 3/April 6th 2012.

Richie - Just as I was settling down for a quiet Easter weekend in my comfy chair with a large snifter or three I heard the unmistakable crunch of familiar tyres on my driveway gravel. I peered through the curtains and sure enough saw the redoubtable figure of Ma Roberts clambering out of her Range Rover. "Hurry along Wob" she bawled "and tell the maid to attend to my luggage!" She was, of course, referring to my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 who was by now in tears at the thought of playing host to mumsy for the duration of the holiday. Once inside Ma let rip with her usual tales of woe from the English shires and the machinations of her local Tory coven of which she's been a member for the past 40 years. "I'm seriously thinking of joining UKIP" she raged. "That wooly Shameron isn't one of us. If he was a true blue he'd have re-introduced hanging and the poorhouse and the birch for all the drunken chavs and darkies blighting our lovely towns" whereupon she got plastered on gin, started a fight in the snug and fell into the duck pond, legs akimbo, with her knick-knacks on display for all to see! Mad I say!