Please Sir - is that you in Seven Brides For Seven Dwarves?/September 2nd 2011.

Richie - Benedict Garrett isn't the only one bringing his chosen profession into disrepute! A couple of nights ago I was enjoying a snifter in my comfy chair when I recieved a breathless call from Marcia Braithwaite. "Bob" she gasped. "Somebody has broken into my house!" Well, I immediately put on my safety goggles and rolled up my copy of the DM and went round pronto. Sure enough a t-leaf was at work in an upstairs room. I managed to surprise the critter and felled him with a swift blow only to discover that it was none other than our local bank manager! Seems the dishonest leech likes nothing better than to dress up in kinky burglar gear and fleece hard working folk of their savings and pensions. But that's not all! We're now on the look-out for a Tory Turnip who twice a week masquerades as a satirical columinst! He should be easily found, though, because he fills his rants with dodgy research and cut n paste parodies of long forgotten telly shows! Mad in ShamCam's rip-off UK say!