This elf 'n' safety madness is par for the course.../November 22nd 2011.

Richie - Here in the Worcestershire village of Cum-to-Piddle locals are preparing for next week's Day of Action against Shameron's vile Coagulation of the Unelected. Old Arthur Groat, octogenarian spoon-player and farmer of these parts, has generously loaned one of his barns for activists to print off flyers and hammer together their "Shameron The Pension Snatcher" banners! Unfortunately though Rich, dark undemocratic forces have been at work. The barn has been targeted by anti-union thugs (probably tattooed, shaven-headed BNP-EDL louts) who've sprayed "Lefty Scum" and "Sack Striking Teechers" graffiti on Arthur's barn doors. But Old Wob came to the rescue. As head honcho of Bob Roberts Security4U I deployed three of my crack Polish security guards to take on the yellow-bellied right-wing critters! They soon legged it over the fields, one even falling into a cow pat such was his eagerness to escape! But it's a sad day when we have to rely on hard-working Poles to uphold our democratic rights, eh Rich? Rich ? Are you there Richie ?