Never mind the ballots: Here's the Sexy Tories/November 29th 2011.

Richie - This morning I was explaining the nation's pension difficulties to my precocious grandson, Bob jnr. Young Bob has dreams of becoming Labour PM before the age of 40 and, according to his tutors, even at 11 years old is already a dead cert for a place at Oxbridge. After an hour's deep thinking he handed me a scrap of paper on which he'd written: "PM Bob Roberts' Patriotic Retirement Plan". It read: "There are about 10 million people over 50 in the UK workforce. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following provisos: 1) They must retire. Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed. 2) They must buy a new car. Ten million cars ordered - car industry fixed. 3) They must buy a house/pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed. 4) They must send their kids to school/college/university - education fixed. 5) They must buy £100 worth of alcohol/tobacco/petrol a week...govt gets back money in duty/tax." He then skipped off to put his radical pension proposals to the attractive young girl next door. Pure genius I say, eh Rich ?