Armed police! Drop the bread and step away from the duck pond/November 1st 2011.

Richie - This month is National Novel Writing Month and Old Wob is busy bashing his tablet all hours of the day in order to write 50k words before Nov 30th. Of course, Rich, my efforts will never match your own literary masterpiece, The Essex Joke Book For Dozy Birds, but I've come up with a plot which I think has a fair chance of success! My central character is a gobby duck named Dickie who squeaks and squarks each Tuesday and Friday, much to the annoyance of the locals. Things come to a head when Dickie's downtrodden neighbours feed him cheap white bread, causing his feathers to drop orf and his bill to subside until the once-famous duck is but a shadow of himself. Eventually elf n safety decide to relieve Dickie's suffering and put the rancid quacker to sleep. However, the local populace, sad that such a merry character should come to such a pitiful end, have him stuffed and mounted in the local snug where they drink snifters to his memory twice a week! A sure-fire bestseller I say!