Along with hard-working Polish plumbers we have countless criminals from former Iron Curtain countries/November 15th 2011.

Richie - I was snoozing in my comfy chair after my post-Newsnight snifter when I was awoken by my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3. "Wob! Wob!" she said in a terrified whisper. "I just see fanny-looking man in garden! Me sure he a metal-feef!" Well, as you can imagine Old Wob sprung into action. I put on my safety goggles and sneaked into the kitchen where I confirmed the faint outline of a Romanian Labour-supporting benefits cheat trying to prise off the tat from my ornamental sun dial. After locking Mrs Bob in a cupboard for her own safety I then made my way into the loft where I activated my anti-Romanian metal thief defences. Our hydraulic roof opened exposing an array of machine guns and tomahawk missiles which I trained on the unsuspecting lout below. After shouting a warning (in compliance with dastardly EU yuman rights legislation) I let rip with my armoury, vapourising not only the unsuspecting feef but much of the surrounding village. Another victory for the bulldog spirit I say!