Foreign criminals can sleep easily in soft-touch Britain/October 9th 2012.

Richie - Old Wob donned a wig, heels and one of Mrs Bob's floral dresses and joined a mini bus filled with local Toffs bound for the Nasty Party conference in Birmingham. Well the champers was flowing and all were in good humour as we sang Nasty Party classics such as "We Hate the Poor", "Strip Workers of all their Rights" and "All Lefties are Gay!" After arriving at our hotel Lady Mimsy Tonkington-Nutter invited a few Tory bigwigs to her suite for drinks. Well, Rich, when I let slip I was a wealthy widow looking to make a large donation the top brass were sniffing round me like flies! I was offered all kinds of incentives, including the chance of being made a Baroness, a tempting offer that would turn any girl's head! Eventually the chat turned to a Tory 2nd term and plans to privatise the NHS, the Beeb, and put non-taxpayers in the workhouse. But I scarpered pronto when a high ranking party member demonstrated Jimmy Savile's seduction technique and my falsies burst! Mad I say! (Hic!)