Have you gone stark staring skyclad, Fletch?/March 13th 2012.

Richie - Thank God & St George that you're back! We here in the Worcestershire village of Cum-to-Piddle have been holding candlelit vigils near the duck pond praying for your safe return! Needless to say your long absence from the unbiased pages of the DM gave rise to many an intrepid rumour. Old Arthur Groat of this parish was convinced you were on a secret mission to Syria, dodging snipers and death squads to uncover the truth of the bloody uprising. Marcia Braithwaite said Lord Richie was more likely to be embedded in Afghanistan, asking how in the name of sweet Jesus sixteen Afghani women and children could sleep-walk in front of that poor, stressed-out US Seal's assault rifle. Old Wob, though, thought Britain's bestest columnist was taking our unelected govt to task for making a right old Eton mess of our beloved National Health Service. However, it was a dopey bird standing in the village snug who guessed correctly that you were busy recycling 70s fodder which only goes to prove that even genius such as yourself has the occasional off day...or 2...or 7...or...10...or...Zzzzzzzz...(Hic!)