Smell the daffs, enjoy the sunshine... and forget the election/April 9th 2010.

Richie - I was out in the town defacing those ridiculous Tory billboards when I felt my collar being felt. "Ello ello - what have we here then ?" I turned round and saw it was none other than Old Jim, our local CSO and a former employee of mine. After exchanging pleasantries about our respective families (Jim and his missus have a handicapped son whose quality of life has improved no end thanks to some excellent NHS treatment) we returned to the issue in hand. "Well, I'll have to book you" he said in a grave tone. "Writing 'I've never voted Tory before because I'm not a complete idiot!' is vandalism, pure and simple. Name and address ?" I gave Jim my details and we arranged to meet up for a snifter or two in the village snug. Jim checked his notebook and said with a laugh: "Right , Lord Ashcroft, don't let me catch you doing this again. And a summons will be sent to your address: Troughing Mansions, Belize High Street, Belize." Good to see British justice is alive and well, eh Rich ?