How should we grill terrorists - with a cuddle and a cup of tea?/February 12th 2010

Richie - I was in the snug enjoying a pre-luch snifter or three when Big Frank, our BNP-leaning landlord, read out your column. "Richie's bang on the money today" he said. "Immigrant scum like Binman should be put against a wall." Just then Frank received a phone call from his supplier saying that his monthly van load of gastro pub food had been cancelled because they'd gone to the wall. Well, you can imagine the drama! Frank went all of a blubber and said that it was only hot food that was keeping the pub going. "Me, Louise and the kids will be aht on the street!" he wailed. Thankfully my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 came to the rescue and knocked up a bucket of green curry served on a bed of poached crickets and bamboo worms. Frank's takings have gone through the roof and to show his appreciation he's taking advantage of Labour's mad licencing laws and treating us to a free all-night bender! What's more he's now all in favour of an open-door immigration policy! Mad in GB's UK innit!