If only those Twittering TV types told us the truth/April 12th, 2010.

Richie - I was snoozing in my comfy chair after my afternoon snifter when Mrs Bob No 3, my Thai wife, came running into the lounge in a state of extreme panic. "Look Wob" she shrieked. I peeked outside and saw a brigade of black shirts marching along our village street. I told Mrs Bob to hide and turned on the tv just in time to see Prime Minister Griffin declare a state of emergency before the broadcast cut away to old newsreel of Hitler. I phoned my old mate Billy Walker, a Labour activist up North, who told me rioting and ethnic cleansing had begun in our cities and Obama had cut all ties with the UK. Mrs Bob was crying now as the black shirts started banging on the door and shouting: "We know there's a coolie in there. Open up before we torch the place!" It was at this point I woke up. "Wob, Wob - you're dreaming" Mrs Bob said. I rubbed my eyes and staggered to my feet. Outside the sun was shining and the daffs were blooming. Thank heavens we live in a civilised country, eh Rich ?