Pouring your teenage daughter a spritzer won't make her a wino/December 18th 2009

Richie - I was rudely woken from my post-breakfast slumbers by the shrill electric-band-saw vocals of Mrs Roberts No 3 and her friends from the village operatic society who were busy rehearsing a new production of "The Mikado" set in the Gorbals. Needless to say, I decided to get out of the house pronto and ambled down to the village local for a pre-lunch snifter or three. Lo and behold the landlord, a prominent Tory Turnip of these parts, was reading your column out loud to the regulars in the snug. "It's all ZanuNuLabour's fault" he seethed. "Britain is now a Stalinist-Mugabeeist state filled with benefit scroungers and hooded vermin! How dare Gordon McClown and his Marxist rabble ban our daughters from drinking alcohol at Christmas" I tried to explain that our esteemed Prime Minister had not banned anything of the sort. But it was no use and the last I heard he was driving up to London with his shotgun to "reclaim England before it withers and dies" Mad in NuLabour's Britain, innit!