Never mind racist sheep, beware of werewolves/December 15th 2009

Well Richie - there I was dozing over the morning papers at breakfast when Mrs Roberts No 3 suddenly burst into a peal of high-pitched laughter and woke me up! "Littlwon - he so fanny" she said in that quaint Thai accent of hers before pointing out that I'd never taken her to Dartmoor or any of our great national parks. "Take me to see the wacist weep, Wob Boberts" she implored. I tried to explain that "wacist weep" were a construct of Lord Littlewon's lively satirical imagination and that anyway there were no shopping malls or jewellery boutiques on Dartmoor where she could run riot with my credit cards. This seemed to do the trick and the subject was dropped. But, thanks to your column, I've noted the existence of "community champions" and will pack Mrs R No 3 off on a guided tour of Dartmoor sometime in the future - all at taxpayer's expense - while I stay at home and get some much-needed shut-eye! Mad in New Liebour's Britain, innit!