Hurricanes hardly ever happen in Brum, so why supply a survival guide?/March 9th 2010

Richie - After reading the Bham Resilience Team's survival leaflet it was decided that, in the event of war or natural disaster or - god forbid - a Tory election victory, members of our village would congregate in the pub. Saturday at six o'clock precisely a siren was sounded for an emergency run-through and villagers met in the snug, each person laden with essentials. Mrs Bob No 3 brought bags of her insect-based culinary delights while I wheeled my favourite Parker Knoll from the house. Pole dancer Marcia Braithwaite supplied high-quality satin bedding and Rev Pritchard came armed with his collection of classic MGM musicals. Arthur Groat, 91 year old spoon-playing virtuoso of these parts, and our GP Dr Singh were also in attendance with PS3 and 40 inch Sony hd tv respectively. For comedy value brain-damaged BNP campaigner Mad Mick was evacuated from his forest shed. And what with Big Frank's pub to keep us all in good humour we reckoned we could last til Judgement Day! Mad in UK eh ?