Hey Diddle Diddle They're All On The Fiddle/March 19th 2010

Richie - My Tory-activist mom, who invited herself to stay for Mother's Day, has now prolonged her visit into a second week. A feisty 74 year old member of the blue-rinse brigade she's already upset my next door neighbours by labelling their kids "feral" because they play football in the road, and has also caused a spectacle at the health centre by smoking one of her cigarellos in reception, levelling a torrent of "nanny state" abuse when told to stub it out, even though a number of pensioners with respiratory problems were beginning to faint. Worse was to come. My Thai wife, Mrs Bob No 3, fled the house in tears after being mistaken for a maid. But the air really turned blue this morning, Richie, when at breakfast she opened her beloved Daily Mail only to discover that the red-blooded Littlejohn column had been replaced with The Daily Mash. "It's all Pinko Zanu Cameron's fault" she raged but by this time I was already on my way to the pub for an early morning snifter! Mad here innit!