If this is justice, I'm a goldfish/April 1st 2010

Richie - I met one of your biggest fans last week - in Norway, of all places! After the stress of having my Tory-activist mother as a guest, I surprised Mrs Bob No 3 by taking her on a short cruise to the Norwegian Fjords. We were befriended on board by Ken and Gina, a couple from Essex. Gina and Mrs Bob soon hit it off and were swopping recipes for steak and ale pie and Thai curry with fried bamboo worms like they'd known one another for years. Ken, though, proved to be a bit of a bore. Whether we were having a snifter on deck or enjoying the evening buffet he was always talking down the country. "It's all Brown's fault" he raged. "ZanuLabour and their Stalinist police state have ruined Britain." Later I learned that Ken did three years for paying illegals slave wages at his food processing plant - caught after a sting op by Trading Standards Officers. "Littlejohn's column kept me sane in the slammer" he blubbed. "I wish he was PM!" Good to know your fans are out there, eh Rich?