Late Night Live with Call Me Dave/September 28th 2012

Richie - Having just returned from a two week holiday in the USA with Mrs Bob No 3, I was honored to visit the Ed Sullivan Theatre for a tour. While I was there I managed to collar one of Letterman's attractive young production assistants for a chat. Well, you can imagine how excited I was when she let slip that our useless growth-averse PM was set to appear on the Late Show - so excited in fact that I primed her with a list of pertinent questions the great Letterman may have wished to ask. "Ask the Tory toff why he sees fit to condemn disenfranchised kids who steal bottles of water but not bankers who steal billions of public money!" I said. "Ask him why, if he's so in favour of democracy and freedom, he's the PM of an unelected government. Ask him why he wants to stamp out loutish behaviour but won't sack his foul-mouthed chief whip who swears and causes offense to our hard-working police!" Well, Rich, I continued in this vein for a further thirty minutes or so. Eventually the poor girl's eyes started glazing over so, gentleman that I am, I thanked her for her time and gave my name as Nick Clegg! Mad in the USA I say! (Hic!)