End of the war on motorists? You'll be lucky/July 27th 2010.

Richie - I was buffing up the crankshaft bearings on the XJ6 when Mrs Bob no 3 summoned me to the kitchen. "Look Wob Boberts" she said excitedly waving a copy of today's DM. "Littlewon come back!" Well, Richie, as you can imagine I rushed down to the snug, paper in hand, where I found the regulars of our local busily calculating who had won the "Where's Richie" sweepstake. You see, the absence of your esteemed column had given rise to all kinds of scurrilous rumours. Dr Singh wagered that you had been engulfed in BP oil whilst swimming off the Gulf coast. Arthur Groat bet that you had finally retired to watch endless repeats of Dad's Army dvds. And Mad Mick, our local toilet cleaner and rabid BNP activist, suggested that you were putting the finishing touches to your long-awaited comeback album (although I think he's mixing you up with Meatloaf.) However, I claimed the fifteen pounds prize, betting that you would return today with a methane-filled article about Gordy & gays! Mad innit!