Juicy Jeni and the jewellery ambassador for Argos.../September 7th 2010.

Richie - Would you adam and eve it! Our local has now become the official residence of a pub (wait for it...) boar! Frances the landlady (formerly Big Frank, local BNP hard nut before his gender re-alignment op) saved the boar from being terminally roasted at a summer fete and hid it in the snug before a new home could be found. But such is the boar's popularity that Frances has now decided on permanent adoption! Indeed, having aquired a taste for ale, the swine has become something of a local celebrity, entertaining punters for hours with its hearty boozing. But the animal's piece de resistance has to be seen to be believed. The hairy hog clambers onto a stool whereupon someone reads aloud one of your esteemed columns. Lo and behold the almighty porker rises up onto its hind quarters and knocks its front hooves together in appreciation whilst gargling a pint of best! Needless to say, we've christened the old oinker "Littlejohn" the Pub Boar in honour of your good self! Mad innit!