Tony Martin would know how to deal with Google/October 26th 2010.

Richie - My precocious ten year old grandson Bob jnr is staying with us this week and what a punishing schedule he follows! He's up with the lark to dash off a few Oxbridge test papers before sweet Mrs Nagoya arrives at 7am for his daily Japanese language lesson. Yet more reading, language learning and prepping follows, all with the intention of becoming British Labour PM by the time he's forty. Of course, young Bob reads your column avidly, Rich, and was enthralled by today's effort. "This Littlejohn bloke is a bit of a grade-one fruitcake, isn't he grandad ?" he said with a huff. "I mean, if people were allowed to shoot one another the country would descend into anarchy!" I tried to defend your honour, Rich, but the little chap wasn't having it. "And when's Littlenutter going to write about the Coulsen affair! The old windbag's silence is deafening I say!" and with that he skipped off into the study for a primer in international relations with Mrs Nagoya's daughter. Mad in Sham n Cleggie's austerity Britain innit!