Next case, m'lud: Clegg v Cameron pre-nup/October 22nd 2010.

Richie - How right you are to highlight the absurd meddling of the pond warden! I've been feeding the birds in our village pond for longer than I care to remember! Almost every day, in between breakfast and my mid-morning snifter, I spend a few minutes in the fresh air offering morsels to our feathered friends. And not only do our local ducks enjoy white bread, they flap their wings in unconcealed joy when I bring them chocolate-covered bagels, jam-infused hot cross buns and tea-scones with clotted cream. In fact, I once fed them bacon butties and Taste the Difference chorizo sausages and I can tell you Richie that ducks, mandrakes and assorted gulls flew in from miles around to enjoy the feast! Only once, when a few ducks succumbed to the pleasures of my hip flask and came to a sticky end in the storm drain, was there a problem. However, I managed to fish out these unfortunates and stuff them in the local pub wheelie bin before any do-gooders noticed! Mad in the ConDem's Austerity Uk innit!