You're nicked, boyo! I'll put you down as 'White Other'/October 11th 2010.

Richie - A long-awaited report into waste and inefficiencies in your twice weekly column was delivered in the snug of our village local last week. The report was commissioned by local readers and authored by Arthur Groat, the eminent spoon-playing octogenarian of these parts. As a lifelong farmer Arthur was thought to be well-qualified to wade through the slurry and compost that such a project might involve. Richie, his findings were shocking! Arthur said that no column could survive the level of mediocracy and bias that was inherent in the 200 pieces he reviewed. He also said that new injustices could be highlighted "if only the author did simple things like checking sources and carying out elementary research". But the most damning indictment was the perceived fear you have of upsetting your Tory friends. The avoidance of commenting on the Coulson story in favour of anti-Labour tittle-tattle and petty sexual innuendo, said Arthur, was "a crime against the noble art of investigative journalism." Mad these reports, eh Rich!