Welcome home - to an avalanche of junk mail!/August 31st 2010.

Richie - I was lounging in my outdoor comfy chair with a Bank Holiday snifter when I heard the unmistakable sound of Ma Roberts' Range Rover crushing the gravel on my drive. My mother, a feisty 75 year old Tory activist from the shires, has a habit of making unannounced visits, usually when she is engulfed in some sort of crisis. And sure enough, once she had reduced my Thai wife to tears by calling her "the maid" and parked her ample suitcase in the spare room, she began to unburden herself of her woes. "I've had it with this foul Coalition govt" she gasped. "The Tory party is now a mish-mash of Liberals, wets, and others who belong in the bally SWP! They're cutting this, cutting that - even talking about getting rid of the fuel allowance! And horror of horrors, news is we're going to share an aircraft carrier with the awful French!" Later, in the snug, she heard the news they were disbanding the Gurkhas and was last seen sobbing near the duck pond and calling for Gordon's return!