And the same to you, Jackboots!/August 3rd 2010.

Richie - There was an unsavoury incident in the snug a few days ago involving your esteemed column! I'd ambled down to our local after a late breakfast and was sitting reading the DM with Arthur Groat, Dr Singh and Marcia Braithwaite when a stranger entered and ordered a large g n t. It so happened that, as I turned to your latest dirge and began to read, the stranger in question gave out a loud snort and proclaimed: "Pah! Littlejohn! He's just a useless, fat, ugly, untalented, right-wing rent-a-gob who should be put against a wall and shot!" Well, Richie - the atmosphere could've been cut with a butter knife! Needless to say, I stood and defended your good reputation. "How dare you say such a thing about Lord Littlewon!" I shouted. "I'll have you know that he may well be a useless, ugly, untalented, right-wing rent-a-gob but he certainly isn't fat! He's just big-boned!" whereupon the lentil-knitting, yoghurt-munching bounder scarpered pronto! Mad in Sham n Cleggy's loonybin uk innit!