Obese? Big-boned? No, just fat/July 30th 2010.

Richie - Would you adam and eve it! In an attempt to help me slim down and lose my sagging man-baps before I turn 55 Mrs Bob No 3 has put me on the diet from hell! She has devised a protein-rich insect-based concotion of currys and broths from her native Thailand for me to eat and which, she says, contain magical powers that will re-fashion the excessive Roberts corsage. Needless to say I usually feed Mrs Bob's fried bamboo worms and pickled wood beetles to the dog before scarpering towards the village local to enjoy a steak-and-kidney pie or three. However, a couple of days ago she caught me red-handed in the snug and dragged me back to the dinner table by my ear! I countered by telling her that the vile ConDem govts plans to make all Uk pensioners paupers will ensure that in my retirement I'll never be able to over-indulge again! But she wasn't buying it, and got Arthur Groat to hold open my mouth while she force-fed me a baked locust casserole! Mad in Sham & Cleggy's loonybin innit!