No offence, but what an ugly bunch of coconuts!/July 2nd 2010.

Richie - Would you Adam and Eve it! The conversation in our local settled on dwarves only the other day! I was telling a few regulars - including our landlady Frances, Arthur Groat and my good friend Lady Tabitha Wilmott-Brown - about one of Mrs Bob No 3's uncles in Thailand. A dwarf, he makes a very healthy living in the underground dwarf-tossing championships which are held in various tourist bars throughout the year. He's either thrown onto a padded mat or else dressed in a velcro suit and hurled against a specially constructed wall, sticking to it like a mini-bluebottle! His fame is such that he is regularly seen in trendy Bangkok nitespots with a stunna or two on his arm! Of course Lady Tabitha squealed with delight and suggested that our village organise a similar event in the summer. However the idea was dropped on elf n safety grounds when Arthur, having a practice run in the beer garden, hurled Dr Singh through the window of the ladies! Mad in ShamCam's Clegged-up UK innit!