How not to be sick as a parrot or drunk as a skunk/June 8th 2010.

Richie - You'll be glad to hear that plans are well underway in our village pub for the World Cup kick off on Friday. A big screen has been installed and my Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 has been busy helping out in the kitchen, cooking up battered bamboo worms and poached crickets for pre-match snacks. However, for my good friend the delectable aristo Lady Tabitha Wilmott-Brown the World Cup is a time of melancholy. In 1970, during the England-West Germany match, her father, Lord Wilmott-Brown, a prominent Tory Turnip of these parts, was so disheartened by the kraut victory that he scaled the east turret of their medieval Grade 2 listed mansion and, being three sheets to the wind and heavy with pizza, fell into the moat. He remained in a coma for 10 years before his dear daughter pulled the plug. One can only wonder how much money the NHS would have saved had common sense advice such as that offered by the Food Standards Agency been available! Mad in merrie Cleggie's Ingurland, innit!