Cabbage EVERY day? Get me the Wicked Witch now!/September 6th 2011.

Richie - Saturday I donned my best cherry red Dr Marten boots, turned-up jeans, bracers, and Ben Sherman shirt and infiltrated the EDL march in London. Along with three Ingurlish patriots named Todger, Bodger and Dozy Dave from Barking I enjoyed a pre-march skinful of ale, each of us downing eight pints before smashing our glasses on Dozy Dave's thick head. After joining all the other fun-loving EDL marchers at Waterloo Station we sang our favourite racist songs, pulled nasty faces and gave the finger to a group of little Asian kids standing outside a sari shop. Unfortunately though, Rich, my new mates had their big day out cut short. Todger threw up in Smiths and was dragged yelping into a black mariah; Bodger was subjected to rendition after making threatening gestures towards the Israeli embassy; and Dozy Dave ended up in clink after knocking off a copper's helmet as he goose-stepped down the Mall performing the Nazi salute. Long live the peace-loving Ingurlish Defence League I say!