It's semi-detached suburban Dr Singh/April 12th 2011.

Richie - I nearly fell out of my comfy chair and spilt my morning snifter when I read today's column! I can proudly report that here in our village Her Madge's loyal British subjects will certainly not be clamouring for a one-way ticket out of Gatwick on April 29th! In fact, plans are well afoot for a knees-up on the village green with plenty of nosh and festivities to celebrate the royal marriage! My dear Thai wife's mother will be arriving for the occasion with Ladyboy members of her brass cymbal folk ensemble and Dr Singh's dholak drumming troupe will also provide entertainment. Marcia Braithwaite's Polish plumber husband is rustling up vodka and 'bigos' (a traditional hunter's stew) for the buffet table and even SWP aristo-activist Lady Tabitha Wilmott-Brown will be in attendance along with her latest squeeze, a famous African-born Prem League footy player. The only poopers will be local Tories and LibDems who have refused invites, too worried about meeting the angry hoi-polloi I say!