It's no wonder so many firms end up on the scrapheap/April 8th 2011.

Richie - I was settled in my comfy chair eating a scotch egg and listening to "Instellar Overdrive" by Pink Floyd when my dear Thai wife Mrs Bob No 3 demanded that I take her out for the day. 'We never go out on nice twip anymore Wob" she said. "You no love me like in owlden days when we first meet!" Well, Rich, in order to prevent several hours of female waterworks I fired up the Jag and we headed along the A5 to north Wales. And what a delighful trip it was! We sat on the beach, saw some of the most beautiful scenery in the UK and finished off with a fish n chip supper on the quayside. The only blemish was when we were accosted by a middle-aged drunk. The man, we learned, had been driven to destitution after his catering business was axed by elf n safety. He'd been mixing meat that wasn't fit for human consumption into his products and was ruthlessly closed down! Yet another example of evil Labour, public sector jobsworths and small business red tape I say! Where will it end, Richie!